You know it's not a Portfolio Piece When . . .

Today a client asked my husband (a very talented graphic designer and web designer by the way) to make a change on his website. He wanted FAQ changed to FAQs.

My husband explained that he could, but that would be incorrect. FAQ stands for Frequently Asked Questions, and by adding an “s” it would now be Frequently Asked Questionss. The client said, “Add it anyway, I prefer it that way.”

It's moments like these, my husband and I sigh, cash the check and say, “Well, it's not going to be a portfolio piece.”

Every writer or editor faces times when the client requests less than perfect work. (Please tell me it's not just me.) Here are a few of my favorite client requests.

You Know it's Not a Portfolio Piece When . . .
. . . the client gets capital happy. I Received a sales Piece to Edit with Random Words capitalized. After correcting the capitalization, the client asked that I put the caps back because “they emphasized all the important words.” I tried to explain that the text emphasized that the writer was having a “shift key” malfunction. The client disagreed and I put them back.

You Know it's Not a Portfolio Piece When . . .
. . . they vote on it. When my husband was laying out a newsletter, he noticed a sentence with a grammatical goof. He corrected it and expected maybe a “thanks for catching the error.” Instead he got an email that read, “Our group voted. The first way was right.”

You Know it's Not a Portfolio Piece When . . .
. . . the client is too creative. On occasion I'll get clients who like to create their own buzz words — at least I think that's what they're “banging the dirty cat at.” This client is hopeless. You can tell them that you Googled the phrase and no one on the planet has ever heard of it. The client will undoubtedly respond, “Just wait. They will.”

You Know it's Not a Portfolio Piece When . . .
. . . the admin is your editor. My heart stops when I get an email that reads, “My admin knows a little about writing (i.e. took a creative writing class in community college) and has made some suggestions.”

These, of course, are the exceptions, not the rule. But if you’ve found a way to convince those communication-challenged clients there’s a better way, I’m all ears!



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I'm a Writer, Not a Doctor

Thank God I write, because I hate medicine.

As I kid I always wanted to write, but now that I'm older I wonder if my aversion to medicine had just as much to do with my career choice.

My sister and sister-in-law are nurses, and I have a couple friends who are doctors. I think of them headed off to work each morning, knowing that one mistake could hurt or possibly kill someone. How do they handle the stress? I stress out just sitting down to write an article, know the worst I can do is litter the thing with typos.

I stress for good reason. I've made my share of mistakes.

• I've given people gratuitous names changes in legal documents.

• Used "past" when I meant "passed".

• Created such original typos that coworkers started calling them "Didos".

But what's the worst that's ever happened? Strange looks? Rewritten documents? Coworkers wondering if English is my mother tongue? I could handle that. I could hire a proofer. 

But what if someone's life depended on whether I could spell "occasion" without spell check? I can't. People would drop like flies.

That's why each day I thank God I'm in communication instead of medicine. I'll gladly sit at my keyboard writing articles about cures for diseases, editing doctors' memoirs, or even creating some cool marketing piece to promote flu shots. No one's life will be in danger because I wrote "canvas" instead of "career". 

How to be Your Editor’s Favorite Writer

I just read an email from a freelance writer — a very talented one. She said the company she writes for has decided to take its work in-house. She's got options, but she's nervous and scrambling.

I'm in a unique position — I'm both an editor for a couple trade magazines, as well as a writer for other publications. As communication budgets are hacked and tossed away like bad meat, the writer side if frantically asking the editor side, "How am I going to stay on the good side of my editors? Tell me!! You're an editor!"

The conversation gets a little schizophrenic, but my editor side has had to take this question seriously. What is it that makes me hold on tight to certain writers? And why, at the same time, am I relieved I have the excuse of "tight budgets" to wean out other writers?

The list of reasons is short, but powerful. The writers I cling to, fight for, and assign articles to, through good and bad, have the following in common:

• They understand the publication. They know what kind of articles we run as well as the magazine's style. They work hard to make sure each article hits the mark. They don't pitch stories that are only mildly related, or write them in their own style, arguing that what I'm asking for isn't right for the subject matter.

• They pitch great story idea. Editors must continually come up with editorial month after month, and writers that can come up with fresh, timely ideas that resonate with readers are coveted. Every time a writer pitches me that great idea, it's like I fall in love all over again. My heart pounds harder, I'm on the brink of breaking into song, and I have the urge to send flowers and chocolate to this wonderful person. (More often though, I just say, "Great idea. Go for it!")

• They can write. When I get the story, it's written well. It's tight, needs little editing and is exactly what they promised. (I know stories evolve and change. But there is nothing more frightening to an editor than an email with an article that reads, "Things didn't come together like I thought they would. Not even close. So here's something a little different — OK, way different. Hope you like it.")

• They meet their deadlines. Sometimes the good writers even get their articles in early. And if they run into problems — sometimes they are unavoidable — they let me know in advance so we can work something out.

That's my list. Seems simple, but my writer side is groaning. It's a hard list to live up to.

Di