It would be nice if I could avoid embarrassing moments, but that's not happening any time soon. It's like I have a guardian angel with a sick sense of humor following me around.
Over the years, I've learned to just grin and bear the moments, but then jot them down later to use in stories later when I need a little comedy.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) I've chalked up quite a few recently:
• Halloween: Each year we throw a Halloween party for friends and family. This year, after everyone gone home and I was changing out of my costume, I realized that the back side of my "dead english maid" costume had ripped out. It appears I'd been mooning everyone all evening. To make matters worse, I'd been wearing my floral print, granny panties.
No one had said a word, which made me wonder, did they think it was all part of the costume? Were they telling their friends the next day, "Diane's costume was pretty weird. She was an Inappropriate Dead English Maid with Hideous Underwear. Yeah, it was as gross as it sounds."
• Restaurant. Two days later, on our way to lunch, the butt of my old jeans ripped out. (Obviously, I need to call Jenny Craig.) What was I wearing underneath? Those same, stupid floral print granny panties.
I spent the next couple hours finding a dozen ways to keep my butt covered, like running from the car to the restaurant holding the back of my pants together. That night, I threw away the granny panties.
• Food. Not long after, I was carrying pizza out the car and tripped. I dropped the pizza and while spinning my arms to keep my balance, managed to also step in the pizza. On the bright side, I did this with my butt entirely covered.
Lesson Learned
It would be nice to avoided these situations, but they happen. Luckily, we're writers. Most people are just embarrassed when things like this happen. We get to use them!
Signed
Red Faced in Enumclaw
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