Dreading The Pitch

It's hard enough to write, but now you've got to pitch.

Every time you go to a writing conference or seminar, all they talk about is the PITCH!

After a year of pouring heart and soul into your story, you now have to "pitch" it — basically spend two minutes in front of an agent convincing them you have the next blockbuster or bestseller. It's do or die.

I understand the necessity to pitch, but I dread it. In fact, I'm dreading it right now just knowing someday a pitch awaits me. I'm a terrible public speaker and because of a couple personal tics I may be my story's own worst enemy.

A Couple Personal Tics

First off, I speak with my hands. My mom says she could always spot me in a crowd. If I was talking, my hands were flying all over the place. When I get nervous they flail. Someone outside the conversation would swear I was swatting away rabid bats.

Second, and worse, when I get nervous I randomly replace "nouns" with "longer nouns".

For example, you might ask me, "Where were you yesterday afternoon at 3 p.m.?"

If I had been at a "bowling alley", I might nervously reply with something like, "I was at that place with the big black balls that hit the white things." And, of course, I would tell you this while I was swatting at bats.

So, you can see why I dread my future pitch. I need to start practicing now. Better yet, I need a pinch hitter.

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